| |
Holiday Party
Goto page 1, 2 Next
Page URL: http://forums.webmaster.com/viewtopic.php?t=40765&start=0
|
| View previous topic :: View next topic :: Print Version |
| Author |
Message |
mark
WM Employee
Joined: 05 May 1998
Posts: 1901
Location: Santa Clara, CA USA
|
 Posted: Sat Dec 12, 2009 10:01 am Post subject: Holiday Party |
 |
|
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 30, 2009
RE: Gala Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!
We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Patty
________________________________
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 1, 2009
RE: Gala Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Patty
________________________________
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 2, 2009
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics
Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore.
How am I supposed to handle this?
Somebody?
And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
________________________________
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: December 3, 2009
RE: Generic Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th this year begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party!
Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.
Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.
To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.
We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food. The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.
There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
________________________________
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F*%^ing Employees
DATE: December 4, 2009
RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party
I've had it with you vegetarian dicks!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!
The rest of you f*%^ing weirdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday
The SOB from HR!!!
________________________________
Company Memo
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: December 7, 2009
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery.
In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off to do whatever it is you do this time of year.
Happy Holidays! (to anyone who isn’t offended by this salutation)
Joan |
|
| Top | Bottom |
|
 |
red_eyes
Joined: 15 Dec 2006
Posts: 83
|
| Posted: Sat Dec 12, 2009 10:50 am Post subject: |
|
|
| rofl |
|
| Top | Bottom |
|
|
Pur
Joined: 15 Mar 2007
Posts: 939
|
| Posted: Sat Dec 12, 2009 11:11 am Post subject: |
|
|
| LOL funny |
|
| Top | Bottom |
|
|
Roi_Scorpion
Joined: 29 Jun 2003
Posts: 132
|
| Posted: Sat Dec 12, 2009 12:59 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Hehe, funny  |
|
| Top | Bottom |
|
|
Autistic
Joined: 01 Mar 2009
Posts: 44
|
| Posted: Sun Jan 03, 2010 11:03 pm Post subject: Re: Holiday Party |
|
|
| mark wrote: | Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 1, 2009
RE: Gala Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Patty |
Since when do Jews bite about those celebrating Christmas? |
|
| Top | Bottom |
|
|
mark
WM Employee
Joined: 05 May 1998
Posts: 1901
Location: Santa Clara, CA USA
|
| Posted: Mon Jan 04, 2010 1:35 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Humor Failure in the 1st degree |
|
| Top | Bottom |
|
|
Autistic
Joined: 01 Mar 2009
Posts: 44
|
| Posted: Tue Jan 05, 2010 1:34 am Post subject: |
|
|
| The answer -- they don't. |
|
| Top | Bottom |
|
|
mark
WM Employee
Joined: 05 May 1998
Posts: 1901
Location: Santa Clara, CA USA
|
| Posted: Tue Jan 05, 2010 1:57 am Post subject: |
|
|
Some of my best friends are Jewish as is my son - you make assumptions my friend, you might try to learn to enjoy a joke for that which it is.
Q. Do you know what a JAP (Jewish American Princess) considers the perfect dream house?
A. 4000 sq feet - no bedroom, no kitchen.
A sense of humor is a good thing 
m |
|
| Top | Bottom |
|
|
Aeriana
Joined: 26 Nov 1999
Posts: 930
|
| Posted: Tue Jan 05, 2010 2:46 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Code: |
#!/usr/bin/perl
use strict;
use Net::SMTP;
my $smtp = Net::SMTP->new('mail.example.com');
my @holidays = ('Christmas', 'Hanukkah', 'Bodhi Day', 'Winter Solstice', 'Yuletide', 'Pancha Ganapati', 'Dies Natalis Solis Invicti', 'Kwanzaa', 'whatever else is there');
$smtp->mail('hr@example.com');
$smtp->to('all@example.com');
$smtp->data();
$smtp->datasend("Dear all,\n\n");
foreach my $holiday (@holidays) {
$smtp->datasend("Happy $holiday!\n");
}
$smtp->dataend();
$smtp->quit;
|
That should solve the problem! At least the religion/cultural half anyway. O wait this ain't the programming section. ("Happy Christmas" sounds wrong too...)
Meh, happy Chrismahanukwanzakah. 
Edit: fix " in wrong place lol
Last edited by Aeriana on Tue Jan 05, 2010 5:12 am; edited 2 times in total |
|
| Top | Bottom |
|
|
Super_Fly
Joined: 27 Feb 2004
Posts: 1068
Location: LA:19.05LO:-98.2
|
| Posted: Tue Jan 05, 2010 3:28 am Post subject: Re: Holiday Party |
|
|
| mark wrote: | Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: December 3, 2009
RE: Generic Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th this year begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party!
Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.
Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.
To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.
We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food. The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.
There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty |
Incorrect, Ramadan was about 3-4 months ago. I know sense of humor is great, but at least the joke must make sense in the first place.
Good one anyway. |
|
| Top | Bottom |
|
|
mark
WM Employee
Joined: 05 May 1998
Posts: 1901
Location: Santa Clara, CA USA
|
| Posted: Tue Jan 05, 2010 11:34 am Post subject: |
|
|
If it'll make everyone happy I'll delete the entire post. I'm now beginning to feel just like Patty Lewis.
IT IS A JOKE FOR CHRISTS (Sorry, insert your deity here) SAKE!! |
|
| Top | Bottom |
|
|
Jazmin
Joined: 13 May 2008
Posts: 151
Location: - #Help
|
| Posted: Tue Jan 05, 2010 4:21 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| in that case I wish you a speedy recovery.... lol |
|
| Top | Bottom |
|
|
Aeriana
Joined: 26 Nov 1999
Posts: 930
|
| Posted: Tue Jan 05, 2010 5:53 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Oh the ironies here...
Absolute gold, PC brigade. Who would have thought an old joke turned into a joke itself.  |
|
| Top | Bottom |
|
|
Autistic
Joined: 01 Mar 2009
Posts: 44
|
| Posted: Tue Jan 05, 2010 6:04 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| mark wrote: | | Some of my best friends are Jewish as is my son - you make assumptions my friend, |
So you know Jewish people that bite when others celebrate Christmas? |
|
| Top | Bottom |
|
|
Aeriana
Joined: 26 Nov 1999
Posts: 930
|
| Posted: Tue Jan 05, 2010 6:21 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Autistic wrote: | | So you know Jewish people that bite when others celebrate Christmas? |
...biting into noms sliced from a deliciously juicy roasted turkey with smooth cranberry sauce? |
|
| Top | Bottom |
|
|
|
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
|
|
|
|
FAQ
Search
Memberlist
Usergroups
Profile
Log in to check your private messages
Log in
